The other day I was walking home because I was too worried about bothering my teacher for a ride. It was't raining so I thought it would be fine. When I was passing through downtown I was startled by a phrase shouted at me from across the street. Two students, who seemed to be sophomores, looked my way and screamed, "faggot!" and then proceeded to enter the local Baskin Robins. Faggot? Faggot. Fag-ut. The word didn't, and does not, settle well with me. It's barbaric. I thought I had left name-calling in elementary school, but it was quite literally screaming at me. For the moment immediately after I froze. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to address the situation or act like it never happened. Should I say something regarding social ethics and behavior that is appropriate when in public? We weren't even in public, there was no obvious audience that could have witnessed what had happened. Was the phrase meant to impose fear or depression? Was I meant to suddenly feel horribly about the sexuality I had struggled with for so very long? I was silent. They walked into the ice cream shop and I didn't cross the street until they were gone. At first I was in shock. I live in a relatively safe community, but that does not protect me or anyone else from arrogant, rude, and dangerous behavior. In 2015: I was constantly interrogated by a teen in my gym class who needed to know my sexual preference. I am not straight, but being told every other day when I was closeted that I did not really know who I was, or that I "had not discovered myself yet," was debilitating. He would ask as if being gay were something to be ashamed of when in the locker room. I was struggling with my sexuality and the boy made me feel wrong for being in the mens locker room. I felt like it wouldn't matter what I said or who I was because this boy had already decided what my future would be. October 2016: A local Spanish language immersion school was vandalized and tagged with phrases such as "Build the wall higher." A school of over 1,100 K-8th graders. 75% of which are Latino (Morris - Press Democrat). Refereed to as, "anti-immigrant graffiti" by the Press Democrat. 2017: Hearing my female friend be constantly cat called by freshmen and sophomore students at our school was unbearable so I addressed the issue by speaking out against the derogatory statements made by the pompous attention seekers.
I am not mentioning these events because I want to prove my city is the worst and that my situation is so unbearable, because in reality it is not. The students at the vandalized school felt worse about the marring of their educational facility than I did because it was a direct attack on their sanctuary away from home. I felt terrible once this happened, but students at my high school banded together to create banners and personal favors for the students at the sabotaged school, Cali Calmecac, and it immediately reinforced my hopes for a safer community. Most students at my school are allies of the LGBTQ+ community and I usually am not harassed at all. The men at my school, to an extent, can be very inappropriate, but my pride lies in the strong community of women and mature ladies who hold themselves above the name calling and materialistic expressions. My community is not inimical, but that being said I was surprised by the two students buying ice cream. I was worried and I felt cold. Frozen until they left their position on the sidewalk. After revisiting that moment I realized I was at fault for not speaking my mind. I was not in any real danger of being harmed physically and we were in a public place where I probably could have found help from other adults if the situation deemed it necessary. I should have spoken against the boys who chose to speak negatively of me simply because I find men attractive. Not necessarily for myself, but for the community of LGBTQ+ youth in my town and school. Issues regarding prejudice, racism, sexism, xenophobia, arrogance, homophobia, etc. do not just affect me, and to some extent, do not affect me psychologically as much as others because I have found confidence and comfortability in knowing who I am and being proud of the fact that I am a gay Latino American male. This is a luxury I wish was considered a basic human right everywhere; but it's not. When I speak, I do not speak to make myself heard. I am outspoken to protect the right for others like me or different than myself to speak as well. I do not protest alone against prejudicial laws or policies, I protest along side the entire community of oppressed, yet persistent, minorities for social justice. My point is, if the situation arrises again I will speak my mind and stand my ground. This wasn't just someone speaking their mind, this was someone enforcing their own ideals and morals onto someone else they saw as either less than or unequal to. I have a strong supportive community of friends and family that stand by my side unyieldingly. You do too. You might live where our voices are hushed, but an echo of a voice can grow louder with the accumulation of voices from a no longer compliant society of like minded individuals. Yes, there is a time to prioritize your safety. Yes, not every situation is the same. But I implore you, if given the safe chance, take the risk and speak your mind. Your truth deserves to be recognized. Stay safe. Be heard. Wear your pink beanies proudly.
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